For what I wish is what you want.

Hello.
I would like to inform the one or two people who might read this blog oftenly, that I am aware of my lack of interesting posts lately (or always, whatever). I simply do not have inspiration. Or, I do. I have loads of inspiration, tons of things that should get my creativity going, but it just doesnt. I don't feel a need to write of the feelings I currently am experiencing. I think it's because I'm in love, and I hate to write of love. I always have. Everybody writes about love, that discusting feeling they call love at least. I hate to read about love, unless it's a special kind of love, or a special kind of story. That's why I love "Sputnik Sweetheart" (Haruki Murakami). It's special. It's about love, but so many different kinds of love, all which I find interesting. It includes unhappy love, male/female love, female/female love, meaningless love, love for an older person, love between friends, love between humans and animals, love beyond imagination. But why am I trying to sell that book to you? I don't know. I need to get back on track.
I mostly write when I'm down. Depressed. Moody, if you will. I don't like to read nor write of happy things. I always find that depressing, in a non-creative way. It just makes life suck, to be honest. I like that kind of pain and depression that inspires you. Like artists oftenly go through. Being poor, unwanted, homeless, unloved or unhappy. All of that gives you a different view on the world. I like that.

I can try to write something of what I am feeling these days, all though nobody wants to know. Appariently, my happyness is a bit unwanted. I'm not saying that I have bad friends. I just don't know how to tell people happy things. So it always ends up with them being annoyed. Or hating me. Whatever. I don't care, mostly. It hurts at times. I wish I had someone whom I could tell this to. It should be someone whom I would never meet, cause some things arent meant to be spoken of, only written. At least, thats how I feel. I write "I" a lot. Guess I'm in a egocentric mood.

I am in love. That sounds so pathetic. I refuse to be pathetic. Therefore, I'm not going to write all kinds of shit. But let me tell you this. Nothing feels better, than just lying with him. Just looking at him. Holding his hand. Kissing him. Feeling his heart go faster. But the best thing, is when he laughs. Because then, I know he's happy. And so am I.

This post was very much inspired by my best friend, Mie. Lately she has been posting some heartbooming things. If you would like to check it out, go to http://zupermeemz.blogspot.com and check it out.
The second I press post, my mood will change. So is there more I need to say? A thing like this won't come again anytime soon. I think I'm good. I love you.

Yours truly,
Lea.