A last goodbye.

You have a future, I said. And yeah, it’s going to be hard at times, but all the shit you’ll be going through, it’ll all be worth it.
You have a future too, she responded, with a mixture of anger and grief.
I know, but it’s not worth it anymore. You know I love you, and you’re such a big part of why I’ve kept doing it for so long. But… it’s not the same anymore. Without him, I can’t just keep going on, like everything’s going to be alright. I know that I’m supposed to be stronger; I’ve never depended on anyone like this. But it all seems so hopeless. It has for so long now… and the only reason I kept going, was to make him happy. There’s no way in hell I’d tell him the truth. I’m not weak; or at least, that was what I needed him to think.
You’ll get over him, there’ll be other guys! Don’t just leave it all because of that twat, he’s not worth it. She was crying. Or maybe she wasn’t. I just told myself she was.
I sighed, and let my fingers go through my hair.
I don’t want another guy. I don’t want to get over it. I don’t want to keep trying, knowing that it’s useless. I just want peace.
We were both silent. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I had a feeling she understood.
I’m not going to kill myself, that’ll bring too much pain to the people around me. It’s not fair to them. But I have to leave. And as far as everyone knows, I’m alive. Alive, and gone. Nobody will hear from me, see me, know me. Nobody will know whether I am dead, or alive. And, if anybody is stupid enough to look for me, and lucky enough to find me… they will only be disappointed.

I looked into her eyes.
I hope you understand. Or at least, that you don’t hate me. I love you. Don’t give up, promise me that.
She nodded, and I gave her a hug.
Thank you.


This is a scene, I have had in my head many times. It keeps on coming back, every time I doubt this whole thing. It probably won't happen though; I'm too much of a coward... but I needed to get it out.